Its hard not to think of myself as a massive failure. I don't want this blog to turn into some self deprecating outlet for the fat lady. But I still gotta say I've been bad...very...very...bad. For the last two weeks I've eaten fast food of some sort for either breakfast or dinner. Sometimes both. And because my girlfriend and I have a joint checking account I've been putting it on my credit card :-O How lame is that?!?
Yesterday was my first day without some sort of burger, mcmuffin, potato, w/e. It was a very cleansing experience. Though at the end of the day I thought I was going to vomit. I guess that's my body's way of letting me know, this shit was bad for you. I literally felt the toxins escaping through my pores. The sad thing is I'm not dramatizing this.
I also feel like a failure because it seems that everyone else in the world is losing weight but me. So now what? Well today is day two and I'm still clean. I leave my credit cards at home, which is the best way to avoid fast food. Plus I'm in control of what I put in my mouth...so yeah...
Sometimes finding the motivation and staying focus is hard. But I have to man up...for real! Or else I'm gonna be just like everyone else in my family, diabetic, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, you name it.
I'm working on it.
3 comments:
Hi! Found you blog today while reading on AfterEllen. :)
I just want to say: I have the same problem as you (probably 155kg at 1,73m (thats ... 341lb at 5'8", I think)) and am in dire need of a habit/lifestyle change.
While junkfood isn't really my problem (I go a long way around McDonalds and Co.) my problem is too much of all the other stuff and nearly no exercise.
I was at 129kg (284lb) a few years back, but a health resort I (was forced to) go to actually ruined my amazing progress (minus 15kg (33lb) at the time). (I was only 15, my mother said I HAVE to go, no matter how much I insisted it'd be a waste of time. There you have it, it actually broke my 'sport and exercise spirit', as I call it.)
I tried Weight Watchers once and was pleasently surprised. Unfortunately my final exams in High School ruined everything. I have yet to start again ... (2 years later *lol*)
My family's prone to diabetis and strokes, too (at least on my mothers side), so I know the pressure that's lying on both of us. ;)
So, just wanted to give you a thumbs up. :)
I started a blog, too. So, if you're interested ...
You aren't a failure because yoiu are still trying. I keep losing a pound, gaining a pound. Losing a few pounds, gaining a few pounds. Still, I am proud of myself that I am still trying. I could have given up after the firsrt few setbacks, but I didn't. Neither did you.
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